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2:58 p.m. - 2006-06-29
p i pi pi pi piipipi

Oh and to add the cherry to it all? I have poison ivy, in between my fingers and on my thighs. Ugh.

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2:15 p.m. - 2006-06-29
no happy camper

I'm going to explode. I'm going to scream until my voice is gone. I'm going to... I don't know what but something. I have such anger built up inside of me right now. I can't make it go away. Nothing eases it. I spend all day holding my breath, keeping in whatever it is that is eating away at me.
I've felt fine. Better than fine. For weeks now. But today and yesterday poof, that feeling vanished. I can't meditate my way to calmness. I can't lock myself away for a few minutes and feel better after.

Everyone - all of them, what is wrong with them? Am I the only one not blinded by selfishness? Or perhaps I am the only one that is? I have spent literally years taking care of others and I don't want to anymore. How terrible of me.

My dad takes Sam along to things and never asks my daughter along, although they are both trapped her in the house, although I take Sam along to EVERYTHING we do. Supermom sits in her fucking bed smoking and reading until she hears the serving bowl hit the table and then she emerges to eat and leave the mess for me. Sam ignores Analise all day until I invite Ani to go to the park and suddenly Sam doesn't feel sick anymore and yay! she'll be Ani's friend.

I don't know. Is this residue from the shit David did? From all of the insults and abuse he flung my way, just now bubbling up. No, its more than that. It's Ryan who won't see his daughter for over a fucking year and won't respond to my emails. It's Analise and how she doesn't listen anymore and how I find myself wanting to scream to get her attention. It's all of the stupid people that I see when I go out, that don't know me but assume the worst. I can't explain away my anger. There is no easy solution. It needs to die, not violently and struggling, peacefully please.

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10:12 a.m. - 2006-06-27
spt pop art two

Self-Portrait Challenge, pop art theme.

I attempted this in all seriousness. I wanted to make a statement about how women are viewed in our society, about the traits that are considered attractive and sexy in women. I wanted to point out how it felt to grow up short, pale, frizzy, and dumpy in a society that treasured tall, sleek, tanned, and sexy.

The end result really makes me want to laugh though.

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before//after

previously...
this weeks to do list - 2007-09-24
a fool on any given sunday - 2007-09-23
annacquato - 2007-09-22
being a cheerleaders mom - 2007-09-21
I am a ray of sunshine - 2007-09-21